Saturday, January 31, 2009

Good Books

This last year I've read several good books. Most of them are Young adult books.
Fablehaven series
Alex Rider series
Ranger's apprentice series (By John Flanagan)
Princess Academy, Goose girl, Enna Burning and more of Shannon Hale's books
I did like the Twilight series, but I felt those were more adult books, but they were captivating and I enjoyed the stories.

I find that I go through passions and episodes of nervous energy that take their form into different interests. So last week I read all three of the Shannon Hale books I have listed and have three on hold at the library. Books right now are a passion, better than my last passion of mastering different games on dotblu. I'm also getting into a crochetting passion that is actually productive, in my dreams I'm imagining a homemade Christmas that will be all prepared for months in advance.

So currently I'm making slippers for M and hopefully my passion for crochetting will continue through the rest of crochetted items for the rest of the family before the end of October which is my goal, this year will be different I'll actually be able to have a wonderful Christmas free of stress and just be able to enjoy my family without any stress because I'll be all prepared (maybe this year it won't just be a dream).

During one of my passion fits I painted a murial on my kitchen door, that after the inital fit it took me months to complete. It is great when I get in my writing fits and I'm able to just have words and stories flow out of me and I can't get enough written down. I'm getting better about taking charge of these episodes starting to recognize them and hopefully I'll be able to direct them towards what I want want to accomplish like writting and hopefully completing a novel, short story or children's book. It seems I get in the mode, then I stop when the energy's gone and I need to just keep myself going so it doesn't take me so long to finish projects.

My children are always my passion. I love sitting down and letting my creative energy correspond with my kids and we'll build legos together, draw, cook together, decorate, something I need to do more of, no regrets with that time together. I love making music together and for them, playing on the piano singing. Sometimes we all sing, just different songs all our own, chaotic but at the same time beautiful. I do notice I'm a better parent when whatever my passion is I let the children in on it too, do artwork at the same time I am, sit where they are playing while I read, make a story up together, have them show me a puppet show.

My husband, what can I say, he is the love and passion of my life, a energy source for me of love. How come he loves me I don't always know, esspecially when I've had some bad days and not the nices person to be around. Yet, he does, he loves me and I love him and it is an unconditional love, a love that also radiates to our kids and is beautiful. I love people, their lifes, how they are doing, their stories, their essence their variety and personalities. We went out with my sister and her husband and they just make me laugh, so funny and I just love to be around them. Our interests, our fits of passion for different things make life interesting, unpredicable, a bit chaoic, but that is what life is about, as long as some balance is infused with the rest.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Things I Like

My son’s cut-out shapes, colorings of spaceships and giants, his snowflakes he makes
M’s sweet notes, helping with her siblings (especially in the early mornings)
E sleeping through the night and playing so well, her sweet cuddles

I like to cuddle with my husband and read a book together or watch a show
I love a good book, a challenging song on the piano, a challenging game
I love stories, I love people, variety of life experiences and sharing

I like sunny days with blue skies and melting snow
Song birds singing in the afternoon and evening (not in the morning)
I love exploring finding treasures in nature, hiking, the open air

The thrill of catching a fish, successfully completing a hike,
Having shared experiences, discussing different points of view
Feeling comradery and friendship, well being among those I meet and know

I like successfully making a new recipe and others enjoying it too
The smell of fresh baked bread, then eaten with butter and honey or jam
The good feeling of a good exercise and muscles being stretched and loose

I like hard work and seeing a job completed well, finishing a challenging project
Visiting with people, learning new things, discussing thoughts they and I have
Being of service, feeling needed, feeling appreciated and of worth

The warmth of the Holy Ghost after feeling Gods love, feeling forgiveness and purity
Reading the scriptures and a passage read being meant for me in a personal way
Praying in humility and feeling lifted and changed, able to see more clearly

Saying prayers with my family, holding them close to me knowing we love each other
My children’s hugs, their kisses, their smiles their love for me
Going on dates with my husband, going on dates as a family

Listening to music, changing channels discovering what I like for myself
Playing the piano in the evenings with a quite lonely stillness all around
Painting, creative writing rampages, drawing, creating, imagining

My husband’s songs, M’s songs, J’s songs, E’s songs
All unique creative all their own and so much them, I love to hear them sing and create
Bedtime stories reading together, singing songs at night, one-on-one time

Learning new skills that I can feel comfortable with and then try new things
Going to the temple once I’m finally there and feeling the peace
Teaching my children and seeing understanding and confidence in their eyes

Written Jan 20, 2009

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Enough whining

I read my last post and was embarrassed about my whining. I read the sweetest blog by one of my friends about a couple in our ward who are going through some tough times. You know, I live a dream life. I have a wonderful husband who loves me even when I don't understand how he could. I have sweet children who amaze me every day. I have my two year old who is still my baby even though I'd like another one. I have good food, a nice house, a musical, loud imaginative household. My own prince Charming, my own snow white, albert einstein and little cinderella children.

How dream like is my life. I cuddle and watch a show almost every night with my husband while he rubs my back. I'm able to stay home with my children during the day and while the older ones are gone to school and my baby is playing by herself or napping I can write, visit, read a book. I have a nice house at a great interest rate. I have a body that doesn't work perfectly but is strong and usually healthy. Right now I have a cold and have been feeling sorry for myself, but no more whining, I'll feel all better soon and I better do something good with this wonderful life I've been blessed with.

I'm a firm believer in "where much is given, much is required." When I compare myself to others I feel guilty about how well things have gone, though it is so easy to focus on the negative and hard times, I've been so blessed. Therefore, more is required of me because I haven't had as many of the trials of many I know. It is my job to serve, help, volunteer, do my best, be happy, learn more, grow more and build others up around me and be the best mom, the best homemaker, the best person I can be. I have a family who loves me, I was raised well, I have a brain and a body that functions well enough. Let me be an intstrument in the hands of the Lord, that is where fulfillment comes, and I know it.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Where have the dreams gone

My children watch a show about space, flying to the moon
In the show, flies fly to the moon, why can't I?
Where did all my childhood dreams go to?
Has growing up smashed all my real imagination?
There was something freeing and beautiful about dreams
Dreams where I really felt like I could fly
Dreams where I was a genius that could invent anything
Dreams where hope always existed, and anything was possible
Living in space, raising my family on the moon or on a space station was reality
How do you inspire your children, but live with realities that swallowed your dreams?
How do you live with hope and change your dreams to go along with your course in life?
I love my children, my husband my family, but a part of me wants to take the plunge into my books, my imagination, into fantasy leaving hard work and stress behind me, keep my relationships with those I love but surface in a whole different world new and different

Saturday, January 3, 2009

New Years resolutions

- Write something for every day
- Be a healthier me :exercise, diet
- Be more consistent with my children
- Read my scriptures daily
- Update memory books and photos for the kids
- Collect the personal history I have so far and put in binder
- Organize, organize, organize
- Simplify my life
- To bed earlier, wake up earlier
- Be more spiritual. intune with right and inspiration
- Find a balance in my life
- Do my part to put in order our home and finances
- Get rid of the piles
- Redo the "girls" room
-Better contact with friends/family on a consistent personal basis
- Be more supportive, dependable and self reliant