What do you think about in the middle of the night?

When your up with children and crickets, what do you think about? Its funny but I playout frustrating times. It seems like the frustrating times are when there were unpleasant circumstances that I didn't feel like I could properly communicate to help myself out of them. Last night I remembered when I was pregnant, working full-time 8-5 and living in student housing.

Our neighbors through the wall had a baby that would scream from 1 or 2 am until 6 am everynight. Our ciderblock walls reverberated the sound and the child might as well have been in our bed crying in my ear. The only difference is I could go and comfort the baby, rock it, sing to it and feed it and put it back to sleep. I felt it would be rude to the poor parents I didn't know how to bring it up without being presumptious. I don't think the parents once got up with that child. Maybe they were nieve parents who expected babies to sleep through the night right away and let her cry it out, maybe they were deep sleepers and didn't even hear her cry, maybe they had no idea how miserable it was for us, maybe the baby was teething. I'll never know because I never talked to them about it the cloest thing was with sympathy in my voice I asked if their baby was teething, I just wanted to know why, why why???

I wished I had talked to them, maybe offered to come rock the baby or feed her a bottle, or at least know that they were trying to comfort her or had done what they could. I used almost all my sick time at my job to catch up on sleep during those months, on those nights I only got 2-3 hours of sleep calling in and letting my supervisor know I'd be a little late so I could just get a few more hours of sleep so I could function.

Of course I don't know if this is related or not, but the baby I was pregnant with turned out to be colic, and we would spend countless hours up with our daughter as she screamed, bright red, standing stiff as a standing board during the ungodly hours of the night. I'd rock her for 6-8 hours a day, luckily she was my first and I could do that and sleep when she finally slept. I'd often lay on the floor with one hand on her bouncy seat at night so I could bounce it for her when she started up again. My husband and I worked it out that on week days when he had work I'd only wake him up if it was the fifth time up with the baby and on weekends he'd be up everyother time.

I had a sweet lady who lived in the apartment above me who was like a second mom, Sister Preito from Brazil. She would give me lunch and give me tips and help hold my baby and show me little tricks of the trade everyday. Always build me up and tell me I was a wonderful mother helping me so much when I was feeling discouraged and down. She will always have a place in heaven in my book, an angel. Of course I had wonderful family too and my sweet husband, maybe I won't judge after all that poor couple through the cinderblock walls in our student apartments.

Another GIrls night

Last night I had a bit of spontaneous night out with my neighbor. We went to her sisters and help move furniture and redecorate her house and shelves in preparation for selling the home. My husband thought it was a weird night out, but it was fun to drive in the car and talk, redecorate someone elses house and be creative. Also it's nice to do a project finish it and leave and not see it all messed up, like with housework at home.

It's been a little crazy at home and I've felt like I've been so busy and working hard, but it doesn't always show. Like I've been organizing and sorting through papers and finances, actually saw the bottom of the laundry floor (actually got through my whole mountain of laundry) and deep cleaned the whole room. I've been waking up early and going to bed late with the help of the birds, allergies and children. So it was so nice to get away and do something different and new. We did pick up some ice cream sandwiches and juice as a treat.

So today the focus is making the rest of the house look clean and organized now that I have some underlying things done like laundry and filiing. I have to get the kids to help me pick up and clean the guest room downstairs. Sometimes the kids use it as their crazy room, I let them jump on that bed and it is where the dress -up is stored and all our extra bedding so you can imagine sometimes I'll wander into that remote part of the house and have to stiffle a scream. I have family coming in and it is amazing how fast you can get things done when you have a deadline when someone is coming over. Anyways, it was nice to have a get away doing something new.

Not so good idea

So, I tried the one month shopping thing, not such a good idea. Its the end of the month and I ended up going over budget because we had run out of groceries two weeks early. Yes, I still have stuff from the big shopping, but I think the key really is meal planning. Which is easier to do on a weekly basis, still buy that bulk stuff but spread it out over the month into the weekly shopping. Good news is I still have a months worth of diapers and wipes I won't have to buy next month and it will probably even itself out over two months, but I find it easier to stay on budget and have what I need with the weekly shopping, much better idea.

Also, even though my husband has been willing, I've been lax about taking my night off, infact I haven't taken a decent night off for a month at least. Yes, my husband broke his pinky and had a cast, then I had to do emergency bill paying, then a tax night, then just get caught up on the house night. So I'm arranging with my mom and sisters to have a girl night, and then take off for a library, shopping, exercise night. Just plan ahead and be prepared for a night off, I really do need them and they truly contribute to my sanity and happiness. I am also looking into taking an art class or a math class (so I can finish a promise I made to a professer long ago, whole different story). I was able to have a book group for an hour last week and I have a wonderful neighbor who helps out so much. In fact she just came over so she could get out of the house and we just visited while I did housework, and she pitched in too, it was so fun, now that is a good idea.

To women

I'd like to pay tribute to so many wonderful women in my life, mothers and not-yet mother's. My little sister who my kids love, my mom's mission companion who has remembered all of my babies and brought sugar cookies, ornaments, wonderful things for us every Christmas. For my Aunt stuck between a bunch of brothers who is creative and thoughtful and helping with crafts and ideas all the time. Of my kids nursury leader who even helped me out watching my kids in a pinch the day after Christmas. To my writing group all of them friends and women I have only gotten to feel like sisters with. To my book group and including me in all of their smarts. Of a wonderful nurse in my neighborhood who travels, is full of wisdom and is an amazing teacher. To my sisters who now treat me like the little sister, they really do seemed to have more wisdom then me sometimes, to my sister-in-laws putting up with my brothers. Of many older women who are my friends, age no longer matters except in the fact they have lived life so much longer than me and I can just bask in their knowledge and wisdom. To my friends who I could talk hours to who I could call upon anytime if I needed help. My namesake mother, my mother-in-law who shares the same name and raised a son they can do laundry, cook, clean, work hard and provide and be so sweet with me and our children. My grandmothers who are now both past who I loved so much. My very own sweet mother who I will feel sucessful if I can be half as sacrificing, amazing and wonderful as she was to me as a mother and who now is a friend to me too.

Shopping adventures

I just spent a bunch of money at Costco. I'm trying something new, monthly grocery shopping and I just had to keep telling myself, it is for the whole month. When I got home I divided fruit snacks, granola bars into smaller weekly bags so we don't go through them in one week and put extra cheese, meats, bread, butter, tortillas into the freezer. I had never spent so much on groceries in one go it was a little scary.

I then actually had to go clothes shopping for my seven-year-old who is already in size 10 and just shooting up like a weed. She has now grown taller then everyone we used to get hand-me-downs from. I realized her tennis shoes were two sizes too small and she had hardly any short-sleeve shirts or sweat pants for the sports I have her in. At her dance class she was the only one actually in a leotard, I guess shorts and tee-shirts are the dance attire for her age. I want her to feel beautiful and that she fits in. I fortunatly was able to find some very decently priced clothes and 50% off clothes for her at Target. I actually paid full price for the shoes. Even with all that I'm not used to clothes and shoe shopping much so it seemed like a lot. Then I about had a heart-attack when I got home and I couldn't find the bags I thought I had left them in the cart. Fortunately they were in the back with the groceries.

I'm back incharge of finances, so my husband can help out with other things. I hope I can live up to the trust he has in me and I can keep us on budget and on track. Its stressful, but stimulating too, to have a non-parenting responsiblity that uses another part of my brain. Just like taxes, I'm the one who does it every year and my husband says I make 500$ an hour, because of the tax return I figure at the end. (I thought that was cute).

Lasting days

Memorable days time passing like a needle through the day
My daughter in a play, wearing my old high school formal
My husband so vulnerable under anesthetic, surgery on a pinkie finger
My son endeared to me, struggling to know how to deal with boiling emotions
My baby clinging to me trying to find security loving her walks

I wonder how to make my home peaceful, how to deal with the teasing siblings
How to manage time so the important things are taught and sought after
How to care for the health and well-being of the family
Crying over others sadness and struggles feeling so blessed and grateful for what we have
The sunshine comes often at the end of the clouded days, giving life

Worry to Joy

It is amazing how we often cause our own trials and stress. My husband fractured his finger and was running late to work because he was at the doctors. I get a call saying there is a big company meeting he has to be to at 11:30. So in panic I try to get a hold of him at the doctors and get transfered 5 times and then put on hold. Very streesed I tell him he has to leave now and go right away.

Eight years ago my husband was layed off along with 2/3 of the .com company, and all of that stress and worry came rushing back to me. Later I let the answering machine get the phone and it is my husband telling me urgently to pick up. With a pit in my stomach I answer the phone and it turns out he was recognized for his excellent work at the meeting, taken out to lunch and was calling me to ask how to spend the $100 he was told to spend at the mall in appreciation of what he's been doing.

The one good thing about worry, is when everything turns out wonderful, you are that much more grateful and feel that much more blessed. Also that day I was able to be given some wonderful training by a State-funded Speech therapist on how to help my baby start to talk, since she is delayed in that one area. Then to top everything off this morning, I weighted myself and I had lost 5 pounds since Monday. Yea!!!